First we can talk about the past few weeks before we dive into the personal growth journey. I finished my 19 hour semester with solid A's and B's. I was a little disappointed in myself because I wanted to do better than I did, but because there isn't very much I can do about it now, it isn't really worth talking about. After finishing the spring semester, I registered for a summer class (Developmental Psychology) and y'all, it's SO much more work than I anticipated! I'm a little stressed about it, but it's only a five week course so my nightmare will be short lived-ish. Aside from school and just the incredible amount of pressure I put myself under to finish and graduate, life has been absolutely amazing for me. The main reason why I think things have been so great is because I've changed my mindset and my entire outlook on life.
Although my personal growth journey sort of began in 2017, I believe that I truly worked at it more in 2018 and committed to the person I wanted to be this year. One of the biggest things that I felt changed me as an individual was when I decided to make amends with those who hurt me. I had been wanting to reach out to these people for a while, but always put it off because of pride and the general distaste of admitting your faults. It's a very tough pill to swallow, but I found that it was entirely worth it. My experiences with apologizing and making amends really made me realize that I'm in control of my life because I am the one making the choices that affect me. When I made the choice to reach out to those who hurt me, and those I hurt, I chose to let go. I had been harboring a ton of resentment and it really took a toll on what is most important to me- ME!! So, I did it. I had a conversation with each individual that I felt terms were a little less than good with, and made an effort to put my best foot forward. In doing so, I allowed myself the chance to forgive them as well as forgive myself for behaving in a manner that I was not proud of. Whether or not these people cared to hear what I had to say, I needed to say it, and bury the negative energy in order to truly step forward in the direction that I wanted to head toward. It wasn't like I was in a position where I needed their forgiveness in order to feel at peace, but rather what I was looking for was my own forgiveness- for stepping out of character and being someone I was not.
So after having all these conversations, I genuinely feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can honestly sit here and say that I'm proud of myself for the decisions I've made this year and all the progress I've made because of it. I've always had the tendency to be some what of a perfectionist and have always been incredibly critical and hard on myself in every possible aspect of my life. I didn't really see a problem with that because I always believed it helped me become a better person. I did however realize that this was unrealistic and that I'd never be able to achieve this goal of being "perfect". I still struggle with being really hard on myself now, but I don't think the degree of it is the same as it was before. It's important to remember that you can't always be right, and when you're wrong, it's even more important to own up to it and acknowledge it. This post ended up being way longer than I intended, but the main point is that life is full of mistakes. Literally full of them, there is not a single person on this planet that hasn't messed up just once in their life. What's important is that you learn from these mistakes and work towards not repeating them. My good friend Ronald stated in his twitter bio that he studies "what they call the University of Life" and I just finished my first semester there and it feels good. Life is about making the best of every day and that is centered around being the best you can be! I realized that everything else just follows naturally as a consequence of good health in all forms-physical, mental, spiritual etc.
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